There had to be a better way of getting into JC’s pants, Lance thought miserably. His neck was sore from the way he’d slept on the plane, scared to death of slouching onto JC but sleepy beyond belief. So he’d napped sitting up, with his head lolled forward, and it hurt. It wouldn’t even be a big issue, the invading JC’s personal space thing, but someone had told JC about Lance’s devious plan, and if Lance ever figured out who did it, he was going to kill them. Seriously. Or ruin their life. It was going to be impressive; they were going to regret it totally.
JC was nice about it. He hadn’t said anything, and hadn’t changed his behaviour, and Lance just kind of went along with it, all the while knowing that JC was suddenly informed and was probably laughing at him. It was all really stupid, Lance admitted, but what could he do? JC was just too great a guy for Lance to lower himself and find someone else. Besides, being his friend was pretty neat in its own right. The fact JC was still talking to him proved that.
They didn’t have much time for this latest trip of discovery. They were two steps from touring, which had been pushed up three months so Lance could go to Russia and then, if God was willing, into space. Space. Lance didn’t really believe it, not yet, but the other guys seemed to be humouring him all right. The tour was thrown together last minute, but it seemed like it would work. Space. Lance was completely freaked, but he couldn’t back out either. It was kind of like when Justin first called him about the group. He couldn’t say no; it was too great an offer and if he turned it down, he knew he’d regret it forever.
Four days. One day to fly into Toronto, which they had already, then drive four hours northward before hitting Sudbury, which Lance hadn’t even heard of before, but JC was weighted down with mapquest printouts and a bunch of brochures he’d had Tyler send away for. The one that was most important was pinned to the visor of the rental car. The Big Nickel, measuring a whopping nine metres – which Lance really had no concept of whatsoever, but JC assured him that translated into “really big” – high, seemed to be the big attraction of the city. Lance would believe it when he saw it.
This, of course, brought Lance to his whole mission plan. Do things that JC liked until JC started liking him, too. JC seemed to like really big things, like giant balls of twine. Lance had seen both of them – Cawker City, Kansas and Darwin, Minnesota – during the duration of his scheme. It wasn’t something he’d really thought he needed to see, but JC evidently had. Lance had been following JC around for a very long time.
They did museums and art galleries, too. Wine testings, fancy restaurants that served meals that would have had Chris gagging into the fake plotted plants. JC had even brought him along on a weekend seminar about, among other things, the Kama Sutra. Lance was sure that was the weekend JC was finally going to bed him, but it hadn’t happened. Instead, Lance slept with the retreat leader then felt so guilty he hadn’t talked to JC for the entire trip home.
So that was how they found themselves in Sudbury, with Lance half asleep in the car while JC sang to the radio, sipping at his French Vanilla cappuccino that they’d picked up from one of the six Tim Horton’s they’d stopped at. There were three snack packs of Timbits sitting on the dashboard. JC seemed to like the powdery ones filled with goo, and his shirt was covered in white fluff. Every time he licked his fingers clean, Lance tried not to look. It was obscene.
~~~
They arrived at the Travelodge on Paris Street at about ten at night. JC stuffed two Timbits into his mouth like a chipmunk then hopped out of the car, jogging to the trunk to grab the bags. Lance slowly slunk through the open door and sighed deeply. Sudbury, Ontario, in fucking Canada, of all places. Lance really thought maybe just saying, “hey, JC, I love you, and really want to sleep with you” might be easier, but he was too chickenshit to consider it, even if JC knew already. Lance hadn’t admitted it. It was so damn embarrassing.
Lance followed JC, absolutely morose over the situation. Really, it was pathetic to be him. A big ball of twine was one thing, but a nine metre tall nickel? Lance thought that was a bit extreme. JC had heard word of a giant apple on the way to Ottawa, but if Lance was going to go to Ottawa, it would be to see Parliament Hill and not a huge, fake apple. Lance liked Canada plenty, but really, it was too cold. Its definition of a mild winter was wildly different from his.
Lance just wanted to get a room and masturbate. If nothing else, it’d relax his neck enough that he’d be able to sleep. You go, Bass, he thought, two hours on a plane, four in a car, all so you can jerk off in a Canadian city you’ve never heard of. When Joey asked about the trip, Lance was going to be able to tell him all about how his dick and his hand finally got together in Sudbury, but JC was still too nice to tell him to fuck off.
JC opened the door to his room and dragged the bags in, dropping them on the floor. Lance waited in the doorway, tapping his fingers on his bicep as he crossed his arms. It was a nice enough room, he supposed. Nothing fancy. Ninety dollars, Canadian, a night, which Lance knew was something like fifty bucks American. It made him feel even richer than he was.
“I need to get some sleep. My neck,” Lance said lamely, gesturing at it with a limp wrist.
“Do you need a massage?” JC asked, wiggling his fingers. Lance was tempted, but he shook his head slowly. What he needed was for JC to kiss him into the mattress then fuck him long and hard, and a massage would be a cruel cocktease. “You sure?”
Lance twisted up his lips – just say no, idiot – but he shrugged instead.
“Come on, take off your shirt. Magic fingers,” JC said and waved them around again. Lance sighed then stepped into the room, pulling off his tee-shirt and dropping it to the floor. He plopped down on the nearest of the two double beds, spread like a star. JC kneeled over him, resting heavy and warm on Lance’s lower back. “If you want to fall asleep, please do. I only got the one room. It seems sort of silly to use two, you know?”
“Sure,” Lance said, but he wasn’t really listening. JC’s hands were already on his neck.
Lance moaned and groaned as JC worked, slowly but surely dissolving into a happy puddle of goo. If he loved JC for nothing else, it was for the talents of his fingers. He played the piano, painted works of art, danced over flesh like a pro. In bed, Lance was sure he’d crumble at JC’s skilled hands. Lance laughed at himself, suddenly. That was pretty much true already.
~~~
Lance fell asleep completely dressed and woke up naked under the sheets. It was morning, though early, and the sun was spread warmly over his skin. He stretched lazily then rolled onto his back, yawning. Rolling his neck around, he was happy to feel it loose and painless. On the other bed, JC lay on his side, curled into a small ball and breathing in soft, breathy pants.
Lance sat up quickly. His clothes were folded over the chair, right down to his two black socks and his briefs. Oh jeez, he thought dreadfully, and flushed a deep red all the way to his fingertips. JC knew Lance couldn’t sleep dressed, never had been able to, and when he tried, he ended up wiggling out of his clothes in his sleep anyway. It was embarrassing at the beginning of the group, but they all got used to it pretty quickly, sort of like the fact Justin sometimes sucked his thumb when he was asleep and Joey liked to shout out lewd things like, “fucking nice rack, lady,” and “suck my cock, baby,” whenever his dream warranted it.
JC always slept in a tee-shirt, sometimes with boxers, sometimes with nothing on. It shouldn’t have been sexy, but Lance couldn’t remember ever thinking it wasn’t, especially not when he walked around with the hem barely covering his dick, and Lance could only guess at the full scope of the delights hidden underneath. It was a cocktease, too.
Lance sometimes liked to joke it was the fact that none of them could keep their clothes on that turned Lance gay. The truth was, he’d known he was gay since he was eight, and joining a group with a bunch of easy-going, open-minded exhibitionists was just an added perk to his mostly celibate lifestyle. He hooked up with the occasional guy, but it usually wasn’t worth it. He didn’t get off on getting caught, and he just wanted to be with JC anyway, so no one could ever compare. It was all really pathetic. Lance needed a life.
~~~
“I love Canadians,” JC said again, just for emphasis. Lance was pretty sure JC enjoyed the relative anonymity Canada offered, since the few people who had realised they had two popstars eating in their crappy restaurant seemed unimpressed. The Backstreet Boys were huge in Canada. Lance couldn’t figure that out, but he wasn’t going to question either. Canada was weird. “They’re so nice, man. They’re all smiling and happy.”
“It’s all the beer,” Lance said, and thought about getting one of the wacky Canadian brews, like Blue or the unfairly named Moosehead. Lance wanted some head for sure, but he didn’t need a moose with it. He just need JC’s full lips around his cock. Mm.
“Lance?” JC said. “Are you okay?”
Oh, please fuck me now. Lance wanted to throw himself across the table, spread his legs and proclaim that as loudly as he could, but he settled for a more realistic, “yeah, I’m fine.” Lance stirred more sugar into his coffee. “Listen, what time do you want to head out?”
“As soon as possible. I’m just sad they moved it,” JC said, pushing his eggs around his plate before scooping them into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. “It used to be, like, part of the skyline, way out of the way, but they’re doing something new where the mine used to be. They moved it by that science centre you wanted to check out.”
Lance nodded. The sad part, of course, was the fact that he really did want to check out Science North. Some of the things they offered, like the bed of nails, were kind of cool, and Lance was a big keener about applied science. He’d won first in four separate science fairs. For a long time, before he joined Attache and the Showstoppers, it was his crowning achievement.
“Lance?”
Lance looked up. “Hm?”
“Thank you for coming with me,” JC said.
Lance just nodded, and drank the rest of his coffee.
~~~
“Big,” Lance said when he saw it. It was really big, actually, obscenely big, bordering gaudy. Lance looked up at it. “Wow. That’s a huge nickel, Jayce. Like, that’s a killer nickel. If it started rolling or something, it would totally kill half the town.”
JC kept his head up, his hand shielding his eyes from the sun. “Totally, man.”
Lance tried to make excuses to himself, like he wasn’t really impressed, but he was. He always was. It was probably why JC had never figured out Lance’s ulterior motive before. For all Lance’s griping, he was genetically prone to liking strange things, which included huge balls of twine and a nine metre tall nickel. “Why’d they move it again?”
“They’re doing construction, making something called Dynamic Earth or something, I don’t know. It’s a celebration of geology, I think.” JC looked up again, his curls splaying out from under the rim of his hat. Lance wanted to run his fingers through them and stroke at JC’s tanned neck. “They didn’t want to deny the public the right to see the nickel.”
“I can see why. It’s really cool,” Lance said, walking around it. It was pretty fucking cold outside, and his face was aching from the chill, but he didn’t feel any strong urge to go inside and seek warmth. He just stuck his hands deeper into his pockets and examined the Big Nickel from all angles. “We should see it again when they’ve put it back. To get the full effect.”
“Supposedly, it’s like walking on the moon, with all the rocks and stuff, being on a nickel mine like it usually is,” JC said, and he bumped Lance’s hips with his, grinning. Lance wanted to kiss him more in that moment than he had ever before. JC’s eyes sparkled like stars at night, bright and wonderful. “Space, Lance. Space.”
“I know. Space. It seems like a really bad joke right now,” Lance admitted, ducking his head and chuckling, his hands squirming in his pockets, warm through the cotton fabric against his thighs. “We’ll see. I’m not counting my chickens before they’re hatched.”
“You know we’re all rooting for you,” JC said. He narrowed his eyes.
“I know,” Lance said, looking up at the nickel again. With the clouds racing past it, it looked like it was wobbling to and fro, reading to crush all the Sudbury-ians and boybanders to death. Lance held up his hands and framed it. He could feel JC standing behind him, his imprint shifting the air with its touch.
“Take a picture or two from your space mobile when you’re up there, will you?” JC asked. Lance looked over his shoulder to see JC with his trusty zoom camera, silver and sleek. There weren’t many people besides them on the patchy snow-covered grass, but JC jogged off to ask a younger couple if they’d help. It was a tradition, after all, to take a picture together at every strange and neat thing they saw. Lance kept a picture of them at the World’s Biggest Ball of Twine in Cawker City, Kansas in his wallet, behind his organ donor card, because JC’s smile was blindingly beautiful. When Lance was feeling lonely, he took it out and looked at it.
Lance slipped under JC’s arm when he held it out, wrapping his hand around JC’s slim hip, tugging him closer. JC took off his hat as Lance tucked his sunglasses into his breast pocket, and the young couple knew who they were, Lance could tell, but they didn’t say anything. Just snapped the photo and wished them good day. Lance’s heart twisted with envy, but there wasn’t much he could do that he hadn’t done already. It was so depressing.
“I’m about ready to go inside and be all science geeky,” JC admitted, blowing on his hands. If Lance thought it was his place, he would have done it for JC, but as it was, Lance nodded and rubbed at his nose. “There’s a butterfly gallery. They’re alive in a glass room. That’s pretty neat.”
“Lead onward, MacDuff,” Lance said, sweeping his arm widely.
JC grinned.
~~~
Lance wasn’t quite as impressed by the butterfly gallery as JC was, but it was moist and warm inside the glass room with a fabulous waterfall, so he appreciated it anyway. The butterflies kind of creeped him out, but JC thought they were beautiful works of art, and the way he explained it, Lance could almost understand. JC was just so fucking passionate about everything. Lance wanted to keep him close, if only to siphon some of that energy for himself. Lance hadn’t thought it was possible to love somebody more with every passing second, but JC made it reality. JC had totally ruined Lance for other men just by existing.
They played around in the Space Exploration exhibit for a good hour, JC reading everything Science North had to offer on the subject. Lance lingered in the background, shaking his head. Space. When word broke about his intentions, it was going to be insane. He was going to be mocked ruthlessly, which was really nothing different, but still. It was going to be focussed ridicule. He was used to sharing it five ways.
The bed of nails was the finale of Science North. It wasn’t anything spectacular; it didn’t even have a room to itself, kept in the hallway instead, but there was something strange and subtlety dangerous about doing it. Lance thought the whole space thing was much the same way.
JC lay down first, the air mattress underneath it pumped up to full, and Lance pressed the button for him, watching the plastic platform sink slowly down as the rubber deflated. Lance’s stomach danced with mild nervousness when JC was finally entirely on the nails.
“It’s pokey,” JC said, grinning. “My whole body is fine, except my head. There you feel it. Wow.” JC laughed, his fingers flexing, and Lance wanted to put his hand on the flat of JC’s belly and feel him breath. “It’s neat, though. Comfortable. I don’t think I could do it, like, without the help, though. I’d nail myself to death.”
“Just say when,” Lance said, “I want to try.”
“Wait your turn,” JC said, smiling. “You’ll get yours, Space Boy.”
“I hope so,” Lance replied, but couldn’t say for sure what he meant by it. Something profound, he figured, but beyond that, he didn’t want to think about it. Instead, he grinned and savoured the moment. He put his hand on JC’s belly anyway, and JC closed his eyes.
~~~
Lance was oddly disappointed to find out that was Sudbury in a nutshell. There were other things, of course, but JC felt no need to see them, and Lance had his afternoon of nerdy science fun, so he was sated. They still had two days of free time. Lance, childishly, didn’t want to go home, not yet, so he pouted a little bit when JC wasn’t looking, miserable again. Joey was right. Loving JC was only bringing him pain.
“Hey, what’s with the stormy face, mister?” JC asked, coming out of the bathroom and drying his hands on his pants. Only JC could ask something like that seriously and mean it with every honest intention he had. JC’s way of speaking was odd, but it was so him that Lance couldn’t imagine him speaking any other way. “Hey, Lance. You all right?”
Lance looked up, feeling absolutely horrible about everything in the world. This was his life, he realised, pining after JC and being taunted with going to space, with a side of dancing and singing, and various business enterprises, and countless other things, but in that second, it was those two things, and the space thing wasn’t even the problem. “I’m okay.”
“Good. Because tonight, you’re taking me out to dinner,” JC said, sitting down next to Lance on the bed. He was smiling again, and Lance couldn’t stay grumpy and heartbroken when JC looked so happy. He leaned over and patted Lance’s knee, close enough to Lance’s face that Lance could feel the warm tickle of his breath. “And tomorrow, we’re having a whole lot of sex.”
Lance nodded sadly. “All right.”
“I’m glad we’re in agreement,” JC said. His voice sounded odd and uneven, and Lance looked up at him, blinking. Hold up, Lance thought suddenly, and he walked backwards through his mind. JC smiled unsteadily then turned away, tucking his chin to his neck. He was embarrassed, Lance knew, and replayed the whole conversation in his head. There must be something –
Oh.
“Um. What?” Lance said finally.
JC looked back at him. “Lance. Justin told me.”
“Fucking Timberlake,” Lance said, slapping his hand to his face. “Fuck. I’m going to kill him, Jayce. Seriously. I’m totally a peaceful guy, but jeez.” Lance closed his eyes. He didn’t want to talk about this now, preferably never, but JC said the S-word, and Lance couldn’t ignore that. “Jeez. I’m so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be,” JC said, tugging Lance’s hands away from his head then folding their fingers together, resting the tangle on JC’s knees as they turned into Lance’s slightly. Lance looked at JC, and JC smiled. “I wasn’t kidding about the sex thing. Tonight, you’re going to take me out to dinner then we’re going to come back here and you’re going to sleep with me.”
“I am?” Lance asked.
“Yes.” JC tipped his head and grinned, the one that split his face nearly in half and lit up the whole room. Lance thought their hands should be getting sweaty, but they weren’t, and even if they were, he didn’t want to let go. “You’re the best – and only – boyfriend I’ve ever had, so I need you to learn me.”
“I’m your boyfriend?” Lance asked, “and wait, you’re not a raging bisexual?”
“Hadn’t thought about it seriously until you, but I mean, no problems on the attraction front and yes.” JC chewed his lower lip, his face fluttering with a light pink blush, and his eyes danced with barely held laughter, like he found this funny. Lance thought about laughing but probably not for the same reason. He was two steps away from peeing his pants.
It was all really absurd, the whole thing, and he wasn’t entirely believing JC’s sudden confession of love any more than he was believing the space thing. He wanted to believe it, though. It was all he ever wanted, and he thought, maybe, that’s why he was so stunned. People weren’t supposed to have their dreams come true, at least not all of them. His were, unfolding before his eyes.
“I just wasn’t sure for a long time, and I’m sorry for that.” JC looked so sincere and honest that Lance thought maybe, after pissing himself, a sudden onslaught of relieved tears might be a good idea. “I mean, I didn’t think we were being obvious either, but then Justin said all that stuff, and Chris and Joey agreed. And I mean, I didn’t realise I was hurting you.”
“I wasn’t really hurt,” Lance said quietly, eyeing the arch of JC’s gorgeous lips. Lance was going to kiss those lips. Peeing, crying then kissing. Lance had his plan back on track. “I longed for you, yeah, and daydreamed an awful lot, but it wasn’t that painful. Wistful, maybe.” Lance laughed breathlessly, abruptly, noticing his hands were shaking. JC just held them tighter. “Sorry. I’m kind of totally out of it here. Shocked, actually.”
“I can tell,” JC said. “It’s all right.”
Lance nodded. “I’m seriously your boyfriend?”
“Yeah, I think so. I mean, you have been, for a long time. I just think we weren’t acknowledging it. Like, here, hold on.” JC stood up and disappeared into the closet, unzipping his suitcase and sitting back on his haunches. Lance twiddled his thumbs and waited.
“Okay.” JC walked back to the bed and presented a small photo album. His fingers were long and delicate, and Lance brushed his thumb over them before taking the book into his hands. JC shone as bright as the sun. “I think this cemented it for me.”
Lance opened it up. It was filled with images of them, posing in front of countless monuments and World’s Biggest things. It looked like a vacation record of a happy gay couple, all smiles and love and everything in between. “Huh,” Lance said. He pressed his finger to the one with them and the giant ball of twine in Kansas. “I keep this one in my wallet.”
“You’re totally my boyfriend, Lance. There’s really no way about it,” JC said.
“I guess so. Though, I feel like I should say that even though it may seem like I’m not as into these marvels of modern society, I really am. Especially today. The Big Nickel was fucking huge,” Lance said, gesturing with hands for full emphasis, and JC nodded, eyes wide. “And you.”
“And you,” JC said. He sighed deeply, a full body sort of shudder, and touched his hand to Lance’s arm, ruffling the pale hairs. Lance watched his hand then looked up to see JC’s brow wrinkled. “I’m kind of scared, Lance. Of this. I mean, us. You know.”
“The gay thing,” Lance said, and JC nodded. Lance was suddenly struck at how big this suddenly was, this feeling between them. It was enough to pull JC out of his privacy and into Lance’s world, where Lance was gay, out to the important people and proud about it. JC had two different personas, onstage and off, and he didn’t like to share the secrets of the common man with anyone. They’d never asked JC about his sexuality, and he’d never told them. This was huge, Lance realised, this was JC coming out to him. Lance wanted to be sure, so he asked, “the sex thing or the different thing?”
“Both, but mostly, being different.” JC dropped his eyes and nodded to affirm his point. Lance knew JC didn’t mean to be so strange all of the time, and so much had been said about it that JC was keenly aware that everyone thought he was odd. Lance believed that JC’s uniqueness was one of the most beautiful things about him.
“I always admired you. I mean, two weeks into the whole shebang, and you were totally honest about it. That took guts,” JC said and he fluttered his fingers up to Lance’s cheeks, stroking them lightly like butterflies. “But I guess I caught up.”
“In Sudbury,” Lance said, trying to smile to lighten the mood. He wanted JC to feel like this was a good thing, a beautiful thing, because it really was. Lance didn’t even have to wonder if JC felt even a fraction of what Lance felt about him, because he knew, he could tell, that it was all returned. JC couldn’t lie to save his life. “Not the most romantic place, I guess, but.”
“The most romantic place in the world,” JC corrected. He leaned forward, just slightly, but Lance understood the movement, felt it ripple through the air before it brushed his skin, so he kissed him, parted his lips and pressed them to JC’s open mouth. JC tasted sweet like sugar, and Lance touched his tongue to JC’s, just a little bit, feeling it jump, before he pulled back.
“The most romantic place in the world,” Lance said.
He whispered it into JC’s mouth.
Fin.
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