It was painful to watch it all happen and unable to do anything to stop it. Joey felt helpless, useless, but there was really nothing to be done. Justin said he had it under control, and they believed him, but he didn't, not at all. It was another one of those learning moments Justin needed to grow up, and Joey understood that. It still hurt.
"Do you think he's going to talk?" Joey asked, sipping a steaming cup of coffee and leaning against post of his deck. Justin looked up from the porch-swing, eyes wide and frightened. "We'll deal with it if he does."
"I'll deny it if he says anything," Justin said quietly. "There's no proof."
"No, there's not," Joey agreed, "except he was a part of your life for six months."
Justin furrowed his brow and bit his lip, using his feet to rock the swing and stopping only once to let Joey sit down. Joey laid a casual arm over Justin's shoulders and gave a supportive squeeze. "I feel really stupid, Joey."
"You get used to it," Joey said lightly.
Justin looked away into the night. "I should have stayed with Britney."
"You weren't happy," Joey pointed out. "We want you to be happy."
"I sure as hell ain't happy now." Justin vigorously rubbed his face with his hands, and Joey squeezed him tighter. Justin sighed deeply. "God, this is so fucked, Joey. I shouldn't be this torn up. We barely knew each other."
"He was your first love," Joey pointed out, "your first male love, and you put a lot on the line for him. You're going to remember this forever, Curly, and that's why it hurts. It didn't turn out how you wanted it to. You're allowed to be upset."
Justin grunted into his hands, shaking his head. "I came out to my mom for him. I came out to you guys. I came out to my dad, my brothers, Johnny and Dre and Lonnie. And for what? To have him dump me because he doesn't feel the same way for me as I do for him?"
Joey bowed his head against Justin's and said quietly, "we wanted to know, J. We're glad you told us. I didn't want you keeping something like that from us. We love you, man, you know that, and we just want you to be happy. Don't regret it."
"I wasn't ready," Justin admitted. "I only did it for him."
"We love you," Joey repeated, "and we're happy that you told us."
Justin sighed and nodded. "I know. I just, I thought it was going to last longer, you know? I was really happy with him," Justin confessed, "I felt so right for the first time in my whole fucking life. I stopped being a freakshow. I was normal."
"There will be others, man," Joey assured him. "You're a prime catch. If I swung that way, I'd totally be after you, man, like, swooning and shit. It'd be really pathetic on my part. I'd be so lame you'd want nothing to do with me."
Justin smiled then grinned, laughing a bit, and Joey hugged him. "God, Joey. Stop making me feel better," Justin muttered, still grinning, "I want to wallow for awhile, and you're not helping at all here." Justin looked up. "But thanks."
"That's what I'm here for," Joey replied. "And you're welcome."
Joey looked out over the grass as the swing continued to rock back and forth in the warm night. When his cup of coffee was empty, he set the mug down on the railing and sat back, letting Justin set the pace. Joey wanted to be able to fix this, to make Justin happy. First and foremost, Joey wanted to go after the bastard who stomped all over Justin's heart.
"You want to know what the saddest part is?" Justin asked suddenly.
Joey crooked his head. "What's that?"
"I'm still a goddamn virgin," Justin muttered, and Joey's eyes widened. Justin pressed his lips together and breathed deeply. "I don't know why he wouldn't. I asked him, and he said we needed to wait. And now. Fuck, Joey. I really have nothing to show for this mess."
"Jesus," Joey said, "I'm sorry, man. We honestly thought, you know, you guys were. you know."
"I think," Justin said slowly, "I think that maybe." Justin rubbed his nose and frowned, his forehead crinkling. "You ever think that maybe somebody's dating you just because you're Joey Fatone, superstar, and not because you're just Joey?"
"All the time, man," Joey admitted, nodding.
"I think, maybe, it was something like that for him." Justin licked his lips. "I'm so fucking scared he's going to sell the story, Joey. I want to think that he honestly loved me, but." Justin's eyes were deep blue and wet. "I don't know. I just don't know, Joey."
"You know we'll stand by you. If anything happens, we'll be there for you, to hold you up if you stumble, man." Joey rubbed over Justin's shaking shoulders, trying to calm him down. "It's gonna be fine, J. I can feel it."
Justin nodded. "I hope so. I'm just. I'm focussing on stupid shit right now. Like, I'm so pissed he didn't sleep with me. So pissed, and that's fucking insane because he screwed me over, and he didn't deserve me, and I'm more upset about not getting any action than getting a phone call on my cell, telling me it's over. God. What is wrong with me?"
"J, man. It's all right," Joey insisted, gathering Justin into a hug, and Justin buried his face in Joey's shoulder, sniffling quietly. Poor kid, Joey thought miserably, stroking his back. "Listen, man, you focus on whatever you want. Whatever gets you through."
"I guess," Justin said, sounding pathetically young, and Joey wished for a moment that JC or Chris were here because they knew how to deal with Justin. Joey just couldn't read the kid most of the time. "I should have slept with Britney."
"No, Justin, you shouldn't have," Joey said, "might as well hold out and lose it to a guy, you know? At least then, it might not suck." Joey paused, tucking his chin over Justin's shoulder. "Mine sucked. Horribly. Enough that I didn't even think about sex with another person for years."
"I thought you lost it to Kelly?" Justin asked.
Joey shook his head. "That's what I say, you know, makes it better for me, but it was this girl named Michelle, real looker, way above my league. I was head over heels in love, J. Our first time," Joey paused and took a deep breath, "gory. I really hurt her, and it just. It was pretty fucking awful. We broke up after that, didn't really talk again until she informed me of the abortion she had and would I mind paying for half of it?"
"Shit," Justin whispered. "Joey, man. That's. painful."
Joey nodded, though the hurt was years old and he barely even thought about it anymore. "Yeah, I guess, but I treasure Brianna so much because of it. It looks bad, you know, because Kelly and I aren't really together, but she's my baby girl, and even if the whole world thinks I messed up, I didn't, because I wanted her."
"She's a sweetheart," Justin said and lifted his head, smiling.
"She is." Joey patted Justin's hair, content that he was calm now, and not the frantic ball of energy and regret he was when he showed up at Joey's front door, nearly in tears. "So what are you going to do now, J?"
"I don't know," Justin said slowly, "I don't want to go out and sleep with just anyone, you know?"
Joey crooked an eyebrow. "Uh, that's not entirely what I meant."
"I know," Justin admitted, "but I just. It's all I can think about, all I want to think about. I mean, shit." Justin burrowed his face into Joey's tee-shirt, shivering though it was hot and muggy outside, and Joey tightened his arm protectively. "I don't wanna think about telling my mom or the other guys or anything. I wanna think about something stupid."
"All right," Joey said and let it lie, rubbing Justin's back until he stopped shaking, thinking maybe a beer would do the kid some good tonight. "But, like. okay. Dude, if you're gonna sleep with someone, don't do it with a stranger."
"I was thinking," Justin muttered, "about maybe a friend."
"Really? Do I know him?"
Justin made a few noncommital sounds before whispering, "well, I was thinking maybe one the guys, you know? Because, um. I don't know. Just thinking maybe it was the thing to do, you know? Like, maybe it'd be the best idea."
"Oh," Joey said, and added, "uh, who?"
Justin took a deep breath before letting the words spill out, his voice high and shaky. "Well, not Jayce because he'd never do it, known me too long and stuff, and not Chris because Chris, like, keeps me sane, and I love him, but it'd just be way too weird. It'd affect stuff, you know? And not Lance, because, Southern Baptist thing and stuff. I don't care if we all think he isn't straight, he's nowhere close to admitting it. He's, like, my last resort."
Joey nodded and looked down at Justin, who was picking at his ratty jeans, his lower lip caught between his teeth, and when it still didn't look like he was going to acknowledge Joey's glance, Joey nudged him and Justin's eyes flickered upwards. He looked guilty and young. "J? You know you just gotta ask."
"I know," Justin muttered, and his brow wrinkled. Joey felt sympathy for the kid, but tried to not let this whole line of conversation affect him. This was Justin, after all, just the same guy Joey met six years ago. "but it's embarrassing, kinda. And um, would you even, maybe, considerate it? Maybe?"
"If you want me to, I will," Joey said, "sure," and Joey nodded to cement it. Inside, he was yelling at himself, but it was better than letting someone else, a stranger, deflower the kid. Justin Timberlake was a superstar, and there were monsters in the dark waiting to tear pop's golden boy off his crystal pedestal.
Justin pulled back. "Really?"
Joey smiled. "Yeah, really. Hope I can, you know, so I'll give it a try."
"Oh," Justin said. "I didn't. You really mean that?"
Joey nodded. "Uh, yeah, J. You want to do it now?"
"Um, yeah, yeah, I do. Okay." Justin unfolded himself from Joey's side and stood up, looking at Joey then running a hand over his hair, looking sheepish. "This is kind of weird, man. I didn't think you'd say yes. You're, like, so straight."
Joey shrugged. "But it's you. If I'm gonna do it with a man, it'd be you or one of the other guys. Wouldn't trust anyone else, you know? Consider this a learning experience for both of us. And ‘sides, I get to sleep with Justin Timberlake. Oh my God."
Justin smiled shyly and opened the glass door into the house, walking through it first, and Joey followed, turning off the porch light and shutting the door behind him. "I gotta lock some windows," Joey said, "I'll meet you upstairs, in my room."
Justin nodded, "okay."
Joey secured the house then moved slowly upstairs, trying to think of one reason why he should back off, but he knew Justin, knew what he was like, and Joey didn't want to see him hurt again. Joey wasn't too sure he'd even be able to get it up, wasn't really attracted to men at all, but it was Justin, good old Justin, and he was pretty, pretty enough that it seemed almost possible.
Justin was sitting on the bed in his boxers, hunched over, and Joey walked over to his dresser, getting a pack of matches to light a couple candles. Joey did things right, and he was going to make this romantic if it killed him. Justin watched him with wide, cautious eyes.
"I didn't bring any stuff, like condoms and shit," Justin said suddenly, rubbing his hands together like he did when he was nervous. "I really didn't think you'd say yes."
Joey smiled and headed for the bathroom. "Don't worry, J. I'm well stocked."
"Okay." Justin's voice was quiet and careful. "Um. I'll try to, like, make this all right for you. I'll do whatever you want. You can just close your eyes and pretend I'm a girl or something, I won't mind. Friction is friction, right?"
Joey stuck his head out of the washroom, smirking. "Dude, believe me, there's a difference. I'm not just going to do it, or something fucked up like that, stick it in and go for it. We'll do it proper, make it good for both of us."
"You don't have to."
"I want to," Joey said, dropping a couple condoms and a tube of lubricant on the bedside table, and Justin stared at them, blinking. Joey laughed and shrugged off his shirt, shimmied out of his pants, before sitting down next to Justin. "Tonight, I don't label myself. We'll do this right, J, because your first time should be awesome."
Justin nodded, his pouty lips drawn in a straight line, and Joey stroked his cheek with one bent finger before leaning over to kiss him, which Justin obviously didn't expect because he stopped Joey and said, "you don't have to, man."
"I want to," Joey repeated, and kissed Justin, mouth open against tightly pressed lips. Joey smiled and squeezed Justin's jaw lightly, asking for permission, and Justin opened up, let him inside, kissed him back. It was different, Joey decided, but not bad, and Justin obviously knew how to kiss. Joey wondered where he'd learned that.
Justin lay back on the bed, lips pulling at Joey's mouth, and Joey moved over him, grinned when Justin hooked a leg across the back of his thighs. One thing Joey would give the kid was that he knew how to use his body, was aware of how long and lean and beautiful it was. Beneath Joey's hand, the muscles shifted, and it felt cool, neat, against Joey's fingers.
"Did that asshole even give you a blowjob?" Joey asked quietly, palming Justin's hip under his boxers, and Justin's eyes widened, but he shook his head, his skin flushed by the question. "Okay. Then I'm gonna give you one."
"I've had a couple before, though. You don't," Justin started, his arms draped over Joey's shoulders.
"Have to, I know." Joey grinned. "I kinda want to, you know, to say I did it."
"Well, I guess, then," Justin said slowly, an eyebrow arched, suspicious, "if you really want to."
"Jesus, kid." Joey laughed. "Word to the wise, maybe you wouldn't have to settle for me if you didn't think sleeping with you was a chore. Shut up, man, and let me prove my prowess in bed. There's a reason I get all the girls."
"Yeah?" Justin asked, and smiled, a bit.
"Yep," Joey said, "and you, dude, are about to find out why."
Joey was vaguely aware he was talking out of his ass, but he would do this if it killed him. It couldn't be too hard -- if Chris could do it, and Joey knew he had, any moron could -- and Joey was only worried he'd turn out to be like some of the girls who went down on him, all teeth and nothing else.
Justin blushed a deep, dark red when Joey tugged the black boxers down his slim hips, covering his face with his hands, like he couldn't bear to know Joey was right there, right up close, looking at his dick, touching it. It wasn't anything Joey hadn't seen before, but never hard, never this raw.
Joey prayed for the best and pressed his tongue along the underside of Justin's cock, dragging it from base to head. Justin whimpered, rolling his hips a bit, and muttered, "You really don't have to," and Joey just said, "I really want to."
No teeth, no teeth, Joey repeated it over and over again in his head, taking only about half of Justin into his mouth before realising any further would cause a scene. Joey wasn't a natural, wasn't even really good, but he could admit that, admit his limits. Joey didn't mind doing it, though, he loved oral sex, and more than that, Joey loved the fact that this was for Justin, to give him something special. It was cool.
"Um, Joey," Justin muttered, "stop, you know, before I."
"If you come, will you be able to get hard again?" Joey asked seriously, and even though Justin flushed deeper, looking mortified, he nodded slowly. Joey smiled. "Then, I can take it, man. Like I said, we do this right."
Joey put his mouth back on Justin, held his hips with one strong hand while the other stroked the base of Justin's cock, and when Justin arched, Joey was ready. He swallowed, of course he did, and didn't back off until Justin was lax on the bed, an arm thrown over his eyes.
"You okay, J?" Joey asked quietly, and Justin nodded. "Weirded out at all?"
"You just sucked my dick, man," Justin muttered.
Joey laughed and pulled Justin's arm away from his face. Justin stared up at him, lips parted slightly, and Joey leaned down to kiss him again, tongue still tasting Justin inside his mouth. Justin lifted his arms, hands burying themselves in Joey's hair, and Joey touched him carefully, stroking the soft skin of his side.
"Can I go down on you?" Justin asked, sheepish, and Joey smirked, nodded, gesturing extravagantly because Joey insisted, really, it would be his pleasure. Joey was surprised to realise he was actually hard, but Joey was a sexual guy, and he supposed gender really was meaningless in the whole scheme of things. "Okay. Um. I haven't done it a lot, so I might not be very good."
"Can't be worse than me, man," Joey said, "I won't hold it against you."
Joey lay back and let Justin do his thing, lifting his hips when Justin pulled at his boxers, smirking when Justin hummed appreciatively. Justin excelled at things, Joey was very aware of this gift, and cock-sucking turned out to be yet another thing the kid could do and do well. A wet tongue circling knowingly around the head of his dick, a thumb pressing deliberately at the patch of skin behind his balls, Joey was strumming inside.
"How many times have you done this?" Joey asked, his toes curling because, fuck, Justin Timberlake could give head, and Joey was sure, sometime in the near future, he was going to have to reconcile this knowledge with the Justin Timberlake he knew and loved.
"Like, six," Justin said, "once a year."
"Fuck, kid. Don't tell me you were fourteen," Joey muttered.
"Then I won't tell you," Justin said, and resumed his rhythm, doing these mind-bending things to Joey's dick that nobody, not even that chick he dated in twelfth grade with a mouth like a hoover, had done. Joey moaned long and hard and came deep in Justin's throat.
"Fuck, man," Joey said when Justin lay down next to him, on his belly and propped up by two bent arms, and Justin smiled shyly, shrugging. Joey laughed and ran his palm over Justin's freshly buzzed hair. "Dude. My man. With a mouth like that. shit."
"You weren't bad," Justin said, shy.
Joey laughed. "No, I was an amateur in the presence of a master."
"You're going to give me an ego, Joey."
"You already have an ego, kid," Joey replied, grinning, and Justin laughed, his eyes crinkling happily. Joey wrapped a hand around the back of Justin's neck and squeezed, thrilled to see Justin smiling. Joey just wanted him to feel better. "Up for round two?"
Justin nodded. "Uh, yeah. You want me on my stomach?"
"Nah. On your back, so I can see your face. I hate doing it like that, even with girls." Joey palmed Justin's face, sensing the very visible relief. "Hey, man. I'm here because I want to be here, because you asked, and I don't give a shit if you're gay, or I'm straight, or what. You're one of my best friends, man. That's all that matters."
"I'm glad I picked you," Justin admitted, "because, like. This is comfortable."
"Good," Joey said. "You ready, J?"
"Do it."
Joey sat up and got a condom, stroking himself a couple times, not minding when Justin's hand crawled into his lap and did it for him. It was okay, doing this, and Joey felt fine, knew he'd be able to look at Justin again like nothing was different between them. Joey knew he'd made the right decision.
Joey opened the condom, and rolled it out onto his dick as Justin withdrew his hand, his lean body stretched out, all pale skin and smooth muscle. Joey knew he would never, ever look like Justin did, didn't have the build for it or the dedication to sculpt himself. Justin really was beautiful, for a guy, for anyone really. Joey was actually kind of attracted to him.
Justin smiled when Joey drizzled lube over his fingers, looking nervous and young. Pretty fucking virginal, Joey thought as he tried to remember the logistics of gay sex, not that he really knew them to begin with, but still, probably wasn't any different than anal sex, and Joey had been there, done that. Fingers, Joey recalled, and got Justin to spread his legs, making them bend at the knees.
"You gotta tell me if I'm hurting you, man," Joey said, and Justin nodded, biting his lip when Joey poked that first tentative finger into Justin's body. Fucking tight, Joey thought, and Justin hissed, squirming against the bed as Joey curled his finger, rubbing deep. Pulling back, Joey added another finger, watching Justin's face. "That okay, man?"
"Feels strange," Justin confessed, "like. fucking weird, but all right."
Joey nodded, and scissoring his fingers while his other hand rubbed at Justin's belly, occasionally dropping lower to massage his dick, which was only half-hard. Justin was tight, nervous Joey figured, and he muttered, "listen, J, if you don't relax, this is gonna hurt like a motherfucker."
"I know, I know," Justin whispered, and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. Joey could feel the shudder pass through his body, and Justin calmed down a bit, though his stomach was still clenched and tight. "I'm good. Just, kinda freaked out, but it's cool."
"It's just me, man, and this is just you." Pulling out, Joey wiped his fingers on his sheets, not minding the mess, and Justin stared at him, following his hand while Joey lubed up his dick. Joey paused. "Are you sure you want it to be me?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Just do it, okay? I'm just nervous. It's not everyday one of your best friends sleeps with you, fucking deflowers you and stuff." Justin smiled a bit, and Joey grinned, nodding. "I mean it, Joey. I'm glad I picked you."
"Just want it to be good," Joey said, and kissed him, kissed him like they were real lovers, just to create an illusion, so Justin wouldn't have to regret, wouldn't say years from now that maybe he should have waited. Justin lifted his legs and let Joey hook them over Joey's shoulders.
Joey pushed in slowly, very slowly, but Justin still bit his lip and whimpered a plaintive, "ow," when Joey was only about an inch inside. Joey kept going, though, until he was flush against Justin's ass. When Joey looked down at him, Justin's eyes were wide and shocked.
"Dude?" Joey asked, bending closer to him.
"Holy shit," Justin muttered, "that fuckhead turned down this?"
Joey laughed. "It's good?"
"Hurt like hell going in, but, um, you hit something, and it was. um. Yeah, it's pretty good," Justin confessed, blushing again, and Joey laughed again, right in Justin's ear, before kissing him. Justin broke the contact with a whispered, "uh, you can move. I'll be okay."
Joey began to thrust casually, not feeling too urgent about it all, marvelling at how flexible the kid was, how he was almost bent in half but didn't seem to mind it. It didn't stay easygoing for long, though, Justin was tight and hot and moaning into Joey's mouth, his fingers deftly scrabbling up Joey's back, clutching at him. With every shimmy of Justin's liquid hips, Joey increased the speed, the pressure, the depth.
Joey reached between them, wrapped his fingers around Justin's dick, and stroked in time with his thrusts, the other arm next to Justin's ear, fingers pressed against Justin's face while they kissed, long, hard, deep, like their bodies were, only higher, more outside. When Justin shuddered and came, Joey followed pretty close behind, and he collapsed, let himself rest there for just a minute before pulling out and tossing the condom into the trash. They lay there for awhile, just breathing, having nothing left to say.
When Justin moved to get up and get dressed, Joey didn't stop him and mostly understood why Justin needed to go. He watched Justin pull on his boxers, his jeans, tucking his shirt into his back pocket and looking around the room slowly, like it'd changed somehow. He smiled at Joey.
"Thanks, man," Justin said, and turned to leave before walking back and hugging Joey tightly. Joey nodded and patted Justin on the back, still not saying anything. Justin pulled away, grinning a bit sheepishly, then walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.
Joey let him go, then turned over and went to sleep.
Fin.
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