Strangers
Lance doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He can’t believe they’re really doing this, and he can’t believe he’s here, at the WEG Compound of all places, back in Orlando, Florida. That’s a place he thought he’d left behind years ago. Okay, not that many years, but still.
When he pictured coming to these offices again, he imagined acrimonious meetings to arrange the dissolution of everything, meetings for the purpose of assigning blame, hostile and vituperative gatherings where people would fling angry accusations at each other. It’s been a while since he’s pictured calm, reasonable, companionable group meetings, where maybe they can discuss getting together and making a new CD, or even touring again.
That’s because it’s been a while since they’ve had anything resembling a group meeting at all, and Lance had begun to think maybe they never would again. It’s possible he bears some of the responsibility for that.
But apparently, JC and Justin have decided they’re ready, and so here they all are. Because it doesn’t matter what the rest of them might want, so long as JC and Justin are ready.
And bitter sarcasm isn’t going to get them very far, so Lance makes an agreement with himself to suppress the impulse as best he can, for as long as he’s able. But he’s not guaranteeing himself anything once Justin arrives.
He studies the people gathered around the table in the conference room. Johnny looks older, which makes sense, because he is, but he also looks wary. Lance doesn’t blame him a bit. Lance isn’t only wary, he’s downright terrified.
Joey, god, Joey looks as comfortable as ever. Of course, Lance has never stopped seeing Joey. Their TV show was only recently cancelled, early this year in fact, and it’s still the most fun Lance can remember having. Not that his memory is selective these days. Not at all. Joey smiles reassuringly at him, and tells him a story about Briahna and one of the boys in her class at school, and how he’d tried to butt in front of her in the lunch line. “And she totally threatened to kick his ass if he did it again,” Joey recounts proudly. As far as Lance can gather, Briahna rules the second grade with an iron fist. She definitely takes after Kelly, and not just because of her wild, curly hair.
JC doesn’t look comfortable at all. Lance talked to him just last week, and he knows JC thinks this whole thing is a little premature. He may be ready, but he’s not sure anyone else is. He nervously rubs a hand across the back of his neck until Chris reaches up and stops him, holding onto his wrist and smiling gently at him until some of the tension leaves him.
Chris is ready. In spite of everything, Chris never stopped thinking of himself as Justin’s best friend, although sometimes his secret best friend, and his is the least friendly face Lance sees when he looks around. Chris’s gaze is almost hostile when his eyes meet Lance’s.
And Lance thinks all over again about what a bad idea this is.
By the time Justin shows up, JC has relaxed some and Joey’s the one who’s edgy now, arguing with Johnny about the best Italian restaurant in Orlando, and seeming seriously put out when Johnny doesn’t agree with him.
Justin pokes his head around the door, face a little flushed, eyes bright, apologizing breathlessly for being late, saying something about traffic. Leave it to Justin to make an entrance.
The Justin Lance remembers was never, ever late, but Lance hasn’t seen that Justin in years.
Chris is up out of his chair, flinging himself at Justin in a way that feels almost like a message to Lance, as if he’s establishing right away whose side he’s on. Lance was hoping there weren’t going to be sides, but really, he should know better than that.
Lance stands up, but he hangs back, letting JC and Joey and Johnny do all the back-slapping and hugging and “How are you, man?” they need to. Then they move out of the way, and he gets his first unobstructed view of Justin.
His hair is short, light brown, almost red, really, with fledgling curls clinging all over his head. He looks good, healthy, not pale or too thin like some of the recent pictures Lance has seen in US and People. Lance studies Justin’s arms and shoulders, and he can visualize what’s beneath the green polo shirt easily enough, hard muscles rippling under smooth, warm skin. Even though he hasn’t seen Justin up close in quite a while, Lance knows what’s there. And no matter what else happens in Justin’s life, he never stops going to the gym.
Justin hesitates as JC pulls back from a hug, and Joey turns and looks at Lance. Justin’s expression is uncertain, like he doesn’t know what to do next, and damned if Lance does either. But they have to do something, because everyone is waiting for them. And they said they could do this, and Lance agreed to try, so he takes a tentative step around the table, holding out his hand.
“Hey, J.” His throat is dry, and his voice catches a little, and that’s so not how he wanted this to go. It somehow seems vital to have the upper hand, so he stands up a little straighter and says as casually as he can, “How you doing, man?”
Justin reaches forward and shakes his hand, then quickly drops it. “Good, good,” he says, nodding his head. “You?”
Lance nods back at him. “Fine. I’m good. Real good.”
“Good.” Justin says again, and Chris snorts. Lance realizes no one else seems to be breathing, and he tells himself for the millionth time that this is never going to work. They’re all totally fooling themselves if they think it is.
~~~~~
Justin thought maybe this one was going to work out. He sure hoped so, because he liked Bob Jackson just fine. He’d been a good vocal coach, even if he was always trying to get Justin to sing in a lower register than Justin really wanted to sing in. Justin was all about the falsetto, although with Chris and Joey around, the group really didn’t need to rely on Justin, at least that was what Robin was always telling him.
But Justin had a hard time buying the idea that if he kept pushing his voice into its upper range, at his age he could do some permanent damage to his vocal cords. Please. His vocal cords were just fine. Justin could worry about his own vocal cords, thank you.
And now it looked like ol’ Bob had finally found someone who would sing as low as he wanted them to. Justin looked around furtively, half-afraid his mom had learned how to be in two different places at once. She’d know just by looking at him that he was thinking disrespectful thoughts about Mr. Jackson. And, really, Justin was the one who suggested calling him in the first place, so it’s not like Justin didn’t respect him.
Justin was almost positive about the kid Bob sent them to try out, but not quite. Oh, sure, his voice was deep and smooth and pretty amazing for someone who was only sixteen years old. But he was kind of a dork, even compared to JC, who was the biggest dork on the face of the planet. Justin shook his head. JC had seemed a lot less dorky on the Mouse Club, he had actually been kind of hot, but now that he was in charge of his own hair and clothes? Well, let’s just say Justin knew why the MMC had hair and wardrobe people on the payroll.
But this Lance Bass kid, whoa. Not only was his hair completely dweeby, he dressed like he just got off the bus from Smalltown, USA High School, which Justin guessed he probably just did.
Still, there was something in his eyes when they finished singing together, something in the way he looked from the guys back to his mom, hope warring with fear, and a fierce desire for something he hadn’t even known he’d wanted until today. Justin liked that.
Lou, Robin, Mrs. Bass and Justin’s mom were still closeted in Lou’s biggest conference room talking the whole thing over. JC and Joey sat on the couch in the reception area, Lance huddled between them. He kept shooting miserable glances at the closed conference room door, while Joey and JC pelted him with questions about what kind of music he liked, what were his favorite TV shows, and did he like Coke or Pepsi. Chris was sitting across from them, watching intently, like he was going to pounce on the wrong answer, which in Chris’s twisted-up head, could be anything. Like maybe Lance liked Dr. Pepper best or something.
Justin made up his mind. He sauntered over to the losers on the couch, and shoved his way between JC and Lance. He knew better than to try and shove Joey around. Someday. If the size of his hands and feet were any indication, someday he’d be able to kick Joey’s ass.
Justin plopped himself down on the couch, elbowed Lance, and said, “She’ll say yes. My mom got y’all here, didn’t she? She’s real good. Your mom’ll say yes.”
Lance looked like he was surprised Justin knew that it was his mother he was sitting here stewing about, and not whether or not they wanted him in the group. Justin smiled at him. They may have just met yesterday, but Justin recognized a kindred spirit when he saw one, bad hair or not. He figured that in Lance’s eyes, his mom was the biggest obstacle between him and what he wanted, and if his mom said no, then Lance wouldn’t know what to do. Justin had had a lot of experience with that dilemma himself.“Yeah, but my mom…” Lance sent another anxious glance the conference room’s way. The other guys were quiet, Chris staring intently at Lance, Joey and JC exchanging looks over Lance’s head.
“No problem, man,” Justin said breezily. He knew his momma’s powers of persuasion were almost as good as his own. She could talk Mrs. Bass into this, he was sure of it.
He fixed his eyes on Chris. Now that Justin had decided Lance was the one, he didn’t want any resistance from Chris. If Chris didn’t want Lance in the group, he was perfectly capable of making Lance’s life a living hell, and they really didn’t need that. Justin nodded determinedly at Chris, and Chris cocked his head, blinking. After a minute, during which Justin pretty much forgot to breathe, Chris nodded back. Justin relaxed. Chris would keep using JC to scratch his itch to ridicule and annoy people, and he’d leave Lance alone. JC could take it.
But it turned out Lance could take it too. Not only that, he could dish it out as well. At their celebratory dinner, while Mrs. Bass sat with Lou and Justin’s momma in the noisy din of the Planet Hollywood and worked out the details of whether to leave Lance here in Florida so they could get started right away, or take him home to let him finish up a few things at school, Justin realized that Lance had a friendly, dry sense of humor and a gift for sarcasm that rivaled Chris’s. Down at their end of the table, he countered every parry with a joke or sly jab of his own, and soon Chris was eyeing him with respect and a speculative interest that Justin wasn’t sure he liked. Chris did not need another partner in crime. He already had Justin.
Later, Justin and his mom dropped Lance and Mrs. Bass off at the Marriott where they were staying, which Justin was sure Lou wasn’t paying for. Justin hopped out of the car to walk with Lance to the hotel lobby door, while his mom hung out of the car window, talking to Mrs. Bass. Lance’s mom still seemed a little doubtful, although she had already said yes and Justin wasn’t ever going to let her take it back.
He nudged Lance with his elbow and grinned at him. Lance beamed back at him, his eyes shining with excitement. It didn’t even matter to Justin that he was still the youngest in the group. Lance was only two years older than him, and anyway, Justin was way ahead of Lance in experience, so they were kind of even. Plus, Justin was used to it. It wasn’t like Jason hadn’t been older than Justin, too. He frowned when he thought about Jason. He was still pissed that Jason had ditched them with only two weeks until the showcase. Asshole.
Lance had been babbling something about his dog back home, and he stammered to a stop when he saw Justin’s sudden frown. “No, not you, dude. I’m just thinking about something else.” Justin waved a hand at Lance.
Lance smiled again and went back to the story of how his dog had treed a raccoon last week. Justin listened to his voice rumble around the lobby of the Marriott, and as Mrs. Bass hurried in and told Justin his momma was waiting for him, Justin impulsively threw his arm around Lance’s shoulder and gave him a quick hug goodbye.
He decided he was grateful to Jason for bailing after all.
~~~~~
“Well, now that we’ve established that we’re all good, how’s about we sit down and get this party started?” Chris says. JC’s looking uncomfortable again, and Joey’s squinting back and forth between Justin and Lance, but he doesn’t say anything, thank the Lord.Lance and Justin back away from each other, and Lance sits down in his chair, keeping his eyes on the table in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Justin take the seat next to Chris, and then there’s a long moment of silence before Johnny clears his throat.
And Lance is positive that he can’t do this. He doesn’t know what made him think he could, or why he would even want to try. He’s contractually obligated of course, but he doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about that right now. There’s no way the others would hold him to it if he just outright refused. They wouldn’t force him to into it, not after everything that’s happened.
His mother, on the other hand, would not be happy with him if he changed his mind. She seems to think it’s time he and Justin make an attempt to be friends again, or at the very least to stop letting their personal shit stand in the way of an *NSYNC reunion. Lance thinks she’s wrong about that, but when JC called him, and then Chris too, she’d been all for it. Lance is still a little pissed at her for that. He’s her son, and he doesn’t care how much she loves and misses Justin, she’s supposed to be on Lance’s side.
And there’s that side thing again, and Lance really has to stop thinking like that, or he might as well get up and walk out the door right now.
He makes himself stay, and it’s actually not so bad. They discuss studio availability and locations, recording schedules, and timetables. They kick around the names of various producers, JC and Justin having both worked with more of them than Lance can shake a stick at. He expects some arguments at this point, but everyone is being careful not to rock the boat the first day, and so Justin and JC defer politely to one another until Chris jumps in, growling with irritation.
“Jesus, we’ll never get anything done this way. Yes, Justin, JC is a genius in the studio, and yes, JC, Justin has the best ear for talent ever, but for fuck’s sake, express a fucking opinion or shut up and let someone else do it,” he says impatiently.
They’re a little less careful after that, and anyway, it’s obvious they’ve already talked about this stuff. Lance remembers that everyone but him has still been talking to Justin for forever, and maybe they’re just being careful for his sake, to make things go as smoothly as they can manage it.
He can’t say he’s not grateful for that.
Chris wants to go out to dinner when they’re done, but Lance doesn’t think he wants to do that. The meeting was enough for one day. He tries to explain, waving a towel at Joey in the bathroom, saying, “I just wanna go home right now, okay? Is it really all that unreasonable of me?”
Joey shakes off, zips up and says, “I think it’s a good idea to go grab a bite, Lance. It might make things seem more…normal, or something.”
“Jesus, Joe, things are never gonna be normal, are you fucking kidding me? I just, I think it’d just be better, safer for, like, the future of the group, if I just go home. I’ll tell Kel you’ll be in later.” How can Joey not get this, that Lance has done all he can today, that he can try again for normal tomorrow.
Joey peers at him doubtfully in the mirror over the sink as he washes his hands. “You’re gonna have to learn how to be in the same room with him again sometime, Lance. You might as well start now.”
“Well, thank you for those words of wisdom, Joey. I mean, shit, why didn’t I think of that?” He’s suddenly furious that he has to explain this to Joey.
“Don’t be a dick, Lance,” Joey says quietly, in the same voice he uses when Briahna refuses to turn the TV off when it’s time for her to go to bed.
“Fine,” Lance snarls. “I’m a dick. But I’m going home.”
He brushes past the others in the hallway as he heads toward the door. He hears Chris’s voice raised in a question, but mostly he’s aware of Justin, laughing with Johnny and JC, as Lance passes him, refusing to look at him. Justin’s laughter fades as Joey says, “I guess it’s just the five of us tonight. Come on, John, I’ll show you what I mean when I say a good Italian restaurant.”
Lance sits in his car for ten minutes, leaning his head on the steering wheel, just breathing, before he turns it on and heads for Joey’s house.
~~~~~
stranger: a: a person or thing that is unknown or with whom one is unacquainted b: one who does not belong to or is kept from the activities of a group c: one not privy or party to an act, contract, or title
