Canada

“It’s a destination premiere,” Joey says. “The movie’s set in Toronto, and they shot it there, too.”

Lance actually knows this. He rolls his eyes at Joey. “Yeah, Joe, I know. I know where it is, and why it’s there. I even know when he’s going.” The one thing he doesn’t know, the one thing he’s not gong to ask, is who’s going to be with Justin in Toronto for the premiere of his latest movie, the one he finished shooting last summer.

Justin and Cameron broke up in Toronto, while they were filming a remake of Moonlighting, one of Lance’s favorite TV show from the 80’s. Lance loves Hollywood remakes of old TV shows, but this is one he might just have to skip. It doesn’t help that the setting was inexplicably changed from LA to Toronto. No one’s been able to explain the reasoning behind that to Lance’s satisfaction. Lance doesn’t really see Justin as the Bruce Willis type, either, but he’s heard through the Hollywood grapevine that Bruce is pleased as punch with the casting. Lance thinks it was stunt casting, and apparently the strain of working together had been the final nail in the coffin of Justin and Cameron’s relationship. He assumes that Cameron will also be at the premiere, the movie is expected to be a big hit, and Lance really doesn’t want to think about it any more than that.

He knows what else is going to come up, though, so he has to ask. “Are you going?” He can tell from Joey’s body language that the answer is yes, but he waits to see what he has to say.

Joey nods. “I think we should, Lance. It’ll be good for the group, good promo for the album if we’re all there.” He looks like he’s bracing himself for a fight as he says the words. Lance is tempted, but he’s awfully tired of fighting.

“You’re right, you guys should go.” And he hopes that Joey can just leave it there.

“Lance,” Joey hesitates, and Lance readies his arguments in his head. “Lance, you should come, too.”

“Joey, I just can’t. I’ve thought about it, really I have. I just don’t think I can do it. And really, how uncomfortable would that make everyone? The last thing Justin needs is me there, too.” And that last is almost a question, because he still doesn’t know if Cameron is going for sure.

Joey eyes him doubtfully. “I guess.”

“Are all three of you going?” Lance asks.

Joey nods. “You know JC, all about the support. And Chris thinks it’s gonna be hard for J, so he wants to make sure he’s got a support system in place.” Chris and Joey and their finger quotes. It’s a habit they both should have dropped years ago, although Lance laughs at Joey now. As if Lynn isn’t all the support system Justin needs for most situations.

And then Lance thinks about his own mother, and how sometimes depending on your mother isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, and he wonders whose side Lynn was on, Justin’s or Cameron’s.

The day before they all leave for Canada is their last day in the studio. There’s only a few loose ends to tie up, and they don’t all really need to be here, but it’s actually turning into a kind of celebration. They’ve done it again, and Lance knows the CD is going to rock. He can just tell, it’s going to be huge. The songs are amazing, and they’ve never sounded better, their voices more mature, entwined around each other like smoke rising lazily from a fire, different hues blending to make one awesome sound.

Justin grins at them all over the soundboard as the last note fades away. He high-fives both JC and the sound engineer. Chris whoops loudly and slaps Johnny on the back. “Get ready to make some more money off us, John my man,” he says, and Johnny smiles.

“I’m ready, Chris, believe me.” Johnny turns to Lance as Chris and JC hug.

“You okay, man?” Johnny asks.

Lance nods. “Yeah, John, I am. I’m okay.” And he is. He’s surprised as hell at that, but he’s made it through the recording process relatively intact, and in fact, he may feel better now than he did when they started, which is something he never expected. It hasn’t been easy, but he did it. They did it.

And suddenly, amidst the laughter, Justin is there, right there looking straight at him and saying, “You’re not coming to Toronto, right?”

“Um, no. I mean right, I’m not going.” And Lance stares at Justin, can’t look away from what he sees in his eyes.

“Are you going to LA? Or maybe Vegas this time?” And this seems like a confrontation of some sort, and it’s nothing Lance is prepared for.

“Uh, I hadn’t given it much thought, Justin, but maybe, I might, yeah.” And that’s a lie, because he’s definitely been thinking about going to LA.

“Which?”

“Which what? LA or Vegas? I don’t know.” Lance shrugs.

“No, which one of your usual hookups are you gonna be fucking this time?’’

And Lance doesn’t believe what he just heard. “Are you kidding me, Justin? You did not just say that.” They stand there glaring at each other.

And something about their posture, their demeanor, must catch the others’ attention, because JC comes over to them, smiling uncertainly. He rubs his hand up Justin’s arm and grips his shoulder, giving it a slight shake. “C’mon, J. Johnny has Clive on the phone. He’s pretty excited and he wants to talk to you.” He glances between the two of them, his expression wary. Lance doesn’t blame him. Justin seems to have completely lost his mind.

And Justin’s not backing down, so Lance says furiously, “Well, I haven’t decided yet, but I’ll be sure and let you know how it goes after we get back!” And he turns and stalks away, dismissing Justin from his mind, except that he’s aware of Justin’s eyes boring holes in the back of his head for the rest of the afternoon.

In the end, Lances goes to Mississippi for the weekend.

 

~~~~~

 

“Are you insane? Have you completely lost your mind, Justin?” Lance looked at Justin in the mirror as he washed his hands, his left eyebrow climbing his forehead in disbelief.

And there was something about that raised eyebrow, that tone of voice, half-annoyed and half mocking, that pretty much sent Justin right over the edge. His hands clenched into fists and he spit out, “No, I’m not insane! But you must be out of your mind if you think for one minute I’m buying your bullshit.”

Lance reached for a towel, still calm. “Bullshit? What’re you talking about?”

Justin was livid. Why couldn’t Lance just admit it? “Joey. You and Joey.”

Lance’s eyes widened and he stopped drying his hands, standing there with the towel dangling uselessly from his fingers. He turned, confusion on his face. Probably wondering how Justin figured it out. “Me and Joey what?” he asked. “And I’d be very, very careful what I say here, Justin, if I were you.” His voice was low, dangerous.

Justin had just flown in from LA. They only had a few days before Lance and Joey left again, this time to film in Chicago, and they needed to get them into the studio. Justin was so exhausted he could barely see straight and he felt raw and exposed and guilty. But he knew he wasn’t wrong. “In Toronto. The two of you.”

“The two of us were shooting a movie in Toronto, if that’s what you mean.” Lance glared at him, obviously furious, starting to dry his hands again, scrubbing at them angrily.

“God, Lance! I know what you guys did! Don’t tell me no!” Justin shouted, as Lance shook his head in denial.

“I don’t know where you’re getting this, but you really need to shut up now.” Lance clutched the towel in his fist, his knuckles white.

“I’ve seen it. I’ve been watching it for years. He’s always hated us together, Lance, and that’s why, he wants you, and you were in Canada with him, and I know that’s what you did!”

Lance frowned, like he couldn’t figure out what Justin meant. “Justin, this is Joey you’re talking about. Joey. Your friend. He would never-”

“Bullshit! And so would you!” Justin got in Lance’s face and let all his anger and fear and guilt pour out. “After that guy in Sundance, I know you would. You did!

Lance’s face darkened and his voice was deadly. “Fuck you, Justin. That wasn’t-”

“It was! Don’t lie to me, Lance. And don’t lie about Joey, either,” Justin yelled.

“You ass! Joey and I were in Toronto shooting a movie! A movie, Justin. There wasn’t time for whatever it is your feeble mind is telling you happened. Shit.” Lance broke off, breathing hard. “I’ve been busting my ass, flying in and out, trying to record, trying to do the movie-I’m producing it, too, you fucker. Do you know how tired I am? And this is what I get? Stupid accusations from an insane boyfriend? And on top of that, while I was gone, you let Wade sing for me!”

“Well, it’s not exactly a convenient time for you to run off and play producer-boy! You weren’t here, someone had to sing it.” It was true, there wasn’t time to wait for Lance, and Wade was more than willing to do it.

“Jesus, Justin, I’m trying to establish myself here, so that I have something to do when this is all over. Do you think this is gonna last forever?” Lance threw the towel in the sink in disgust.

“Why shouldn’t it?” Justin demanded.

“For you, maybe. I’m not gonna be doing a solo album Justin, trust me on that,” Lance stated flatly.

Justin fumed at Lance’s words, at the idea that he didn’t have faith in them lasting. “Is that why you’re off in Sundance, blowing publicists?”

“Fuck you!”

“No, fuck you!” Justin shouted. “You’re a slut, Lance. You’d fuck anything with a big enough dick. All anybody has to do it wave it in your face and you’re on your knees so fast-”

Lance was moving before Justin knew it, shoving him hard, both hands planted in the middle of his chest. Justin went stumbling back against the toilet, his arms wind-milling, knocking the picture on the wall with his hand, sending it crashing to the ground, shards of glass flying everywhere.

Justin wasn’t sure how he managed not to fall, but he did, his hands clutching the back of the toilet for balance. He gazed at Lance in shock. Lance was breathing hard, his fists clenched, his face red.

“Projecting much, Justin? And Joey and Kelly just had a baby, you asshole,” he hissed in Justin’s face. “I’m gonna do you a favor and not tell him about this. You can fucking thank me later.” And he was gone, the door slamming closed behind him. Justin heard the murmur of concerned voices out in the hallway, and he waited until they were gone before he left the bathroom, the painting of the dolphins laying broken on the floor.

 

~~~~~

 

Justin waves at the people in the bleachers, girls with cameras, waving, calling his name. “Justin! Over here, Justin!”

He smiles and waves some more. Chris is next to him, JC and Joey behind him. Some of the people in the bleachers clue in to who Justin has with him, and start screaming with delight. He hears JC and Joey laugh. Chris yells something to the crowd and the screams get louder.

Justin needs to be inside before Cameron gets here, that’s the arrangement both their publicists decided on. That way they both have equal access to red carpet time, with no attention taken away from either one of them by photographers trying to get a picture of them together, glaring at each other or spitting in each others’ faces or whatever it is the press is hoping will happen tonight.

He and Cam have talked on the phone several times about the premiere, which no one knows except his mom. They’re working out how to be friends, and they’re not doing too badly at it. Plus, they both want the movie to do well, and the last thing they need is for the premiere to get ugly. Justin doesn’t think either he or Cam would do anything unprofessional, and they’ve agreed to ignore the stupid questions the press is bound to ask. They may have broken up while making this movie, but they both worked really hard on it, and neither one of them has a desire to sabotage its chances for success.

Of course, Justin is well aware that the circumstances of their breakup is probably what will fuel the box office the most. People will want to see if any evidence of their implosion made it onto the screen.

The premiere is being held at The Bato Shoe Museum, where much of the movie’s climax was shot. Shoes were definitely integral to the plot, much to Justin’s delight at the time. They actually have a collection of celebrity shoes at the Museum, and although Justin doesn’t have a pair enshrined there, he certainly wishes he did.

“How cool is this?” he says to Chris after they finally get inside, pointing at the All About Shoes exhibit. He hears cheering from outside the museum and he knows Cameron has arrived. He drags Chris into the exhibit room, gesturing around at all the shoes.

“Shit, J, they have more shoes here than you do,” Chris teases gently. Chris has been very kind to him this weekend, very careful, and it’s making Justin feel like he has a terminal illness.

“Shut up, you fucker,” Justin replies. Then Joey and JC are there, eyeballing the shoes in wonder, and Joey laughs at Justin.

“No wonder you wanted to make this movie, J. Would you look at this shit?”

Then there’s food, and drinks and saying all the right things to all the right people. Justin thinks he’s going to duck out once the movie starts. There are two theaters, but they’re small, and he really isn’t up for the scrutiny of the crowd while he watches himself on a big-ass screen.

“I’m hitting the head, then let’s get out of here,” he murmurs, handing Chris his empty beer bottle. Chris looks at the bottle, looks at Justin, opens his mouth, then closes it. He nods agreeably instead.

“I’ll find Joe and C and let them know. Meet you by that big, giant shoe over there,” he says.

Justin comes out of the men’s room just in time to literally run into Cameron, who’s heading into the ladies’ room. He reaches out a hand to steady her, and she laughs softly at him. He smiles. “How you doin’?”

“I’m great. I was just thinking about leaving early, skipping the movie.” She looks beautiful tonight, and Justin swallows.

“Me, too. I already told Chris.”

“Oh.” Cameron considers. “Then I’ll hang around a little while longer, maybe sneak out after it starts” She cocks her head and studies his face. “How are things, sweetie?”

Justin shrugs. “You know. Could be worse.” He thinks about Lance’s demeanor lately, thinks about how maybe he’s softening a bit, maybe losing some of his anger. Then he thinks about LA, and Vegas, and he shrugs again. “Could be better.”

Cameron reaches up and kisses his cheek. Justin hugs her gratefully. She pulls back and smiles at him with warm, sympathetic eyes. “I hope it works out the way you want it to, baby.”

Justin nods, unable to speak, his throat tight. Cameron gives his arm a squeeze and ducks into the bathroom. He blinks rapidly, then goes to find Chris.

 

~~~~~

 

Lance and Justin’s houses weren’t anywhere close to each other, certainly not within walking distance, so when Lance heard a key scrape in the front door lock without hearing a car pull into his garage, he was confused. He’d been asleep on the couch, having drifted off in front of the television, too exhausted to even go to bed. He sat up, yawning and disoriented, and there was Justin, standing in the doorway of his living room.

They stared at each other in silence, until Lance said, “Did you walk here, Justin?”

Justin blinked, like that wasn’t at all what he expected to hear. “Um, no, JC dropped me off.” He chewed at his lower lip, staring at the floor.

“Planning on staying?” Lance asked dryly. Justin flushed and looked up imploringly.

“Can I?” he whispered.

Lance nodded. “Come here.” Justin crossed the room and sat down next to Lance on the couch, tipping his head wearily onto Lance’s shoulder. He sighed.

“I’m sorry I said those things,” Justin whispered, his voice so low Lance could barely hear him.

“I know,” Lance reassured him. He did know. He sighed, too. “Things are just crazy, and sometimes I’m not sure what’s going on, either.” He would love Justin forever, Lance knew this, but some days that really didn’t seem to help much. Not when he was this exhausted and overwhelmed by the everything else in his life. Sundance proved that.

Justin wrapped his arms around Lance’s waist and held on tight. “I love you,” he whispered, sounding almost desperate.

“I love you too, Justin,” Lance said softly, and he pulled back, looking into Justin’s eyes. “I do.”

Justin nodded. “I know.” His kiss was tentative, and sad.

“It’s okay, J, we’ll be okay,” Lance murmured into Justin’s mouth. They stretched out on Lance’s couch, kissing with the luxury of time they didn’t have. Lance pushed his schedule out of his mind, didn’t let himself think about what time he had to get up in the morning, all the things he had to accomplish tomorrow.

They eventually shed their clothes, Justin’s skin warm and sweaty against Lance’s. Lance licked Justin’s neck, chased a drop of sweat down his chest, sucked it off Justin’s nipple. Justin moaned. “Please.”

Lance coaxed Justin to his knees, turning him around, bracing his hands on the back of the couch. “Don’t move, J. I’ve got you.”

By the time Lance slid all the way home, Justin was whimpering, his voice hoarse from begging. Lance thrust gently, taking his time, one hand between Justin’s shoulder blades, holding him in place.

Lance made himself go slow, as slow as he could, but this was Justin, after all, and when Justin tightened around him, gasping out his name, Lance groaned and pressed his hips forward one last time, collapsing over Justin’s back, teeth sinking into his shoulder as Justin shuddered beneath him.

Justin wouldn’t let Lance move them into the bedroom. He whispered, “No, stay here, just stay here with me.” Lance nodded and closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep.

 

~~~~~

 

Canada: country in North America, a dominion of the Commonwealth of Nations

 

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